This week marks my sixth year coaching high school girl’s lacrosse. Over the past few years my life has begun to settle and feel a bit more organized and balanced, now that I have a career, a mortgage, and full life here in Seattle. However, the beginning of the lacrosse season never fails to throw my schedule and life into a bit of a tailspin. For the longest time I was resistant in creating a schedule or admitting that I wanted structure in my life. I loved the idea, and still do love the idea, that I could somehow manage all the different balls in my life without following a set plan.
Now to be honest, I am a fairly adapt at surviving chaos, but at what cost? The cost has been my sanity and my sense of balance. When my life is, what I term crazy, I feel anxious, stressed, and slightly out of control. When my life is in balance, I feel calm, motivated, and in control. In the realization that I function at my highest level when in balance, I was faced with the choice of creating a schedule or continuing to fly by the seat of my pants and hope for the best.
I opted for the schedule. My initial reaction to the word schedule is not a positive one; in fact it is quite negative. Initially I believed that adhering to a schedule would limit me in my freedom and make me boring. But to my surprise I have found the complete opposite to be true. I love being efficient and organized. In the ritual that I have created for my self of planning out my week and seeing where I have free time (I literally write out all my appointments and mark my free time in a calendar), I have created peace and space in my life. The space that I have created is still mine to do with as I please, but it is designated as such and is thus rarely wasted. I know for myself, that it is important for me to visually map out my week in order to follow my schedule. I also constantly remind myself to say flexible, and allow for the unexpected. Life never goes according to plan, and in the moments of going with the flow, often times freedom and spontaneity present wonderful and fun opportunities.
When I find myself not feeling connected to my schedule or simply not wanting to make a schedule, I ask myself these questions: Where in my life am I taking full advantage of my time? Where in my life am I not taking advantage of my time? What is important for me to create time for?
I hope you all have a great weekend!
So its weird...reading this I could literally relate to almost every single thing you said. Here is my schedule:
ReplyDeletePremier Soccer
Select AAU Basketball
Spring Ultimate Frisbee
High School Lacrosse
and that is just my sports. I go to a very hard school that occupies my time throughout the day and continues at home with more than 3 hours of homework daily. soooo cool beans when im trying to "FIT IN" homework, or sleep, or food for that matter because Im running around like a chicken with its neck cut off.
I love soccer. always have. I have played since I was 5 and have never been on a losing team. I now play for Crossfire Premier and have the opportunity to get a college scholarship to play soccer at a very good school. The thing that I hate is that over the years the political side of the club and system has become overwhelming...its the whole "who is signing with who" and "oh that is a way better school." there is this sense of rude competition between girls and families who have been friends for over 7 years. It's actually quite a gross realization.
Basktball has been part of my life for almost as long as soccer. I have played since I was 7 and once again have always been on a successful team. I recently joined Puget Sound Flight which is a competitive AAU program on the eastside. I love it! These girls know how to play and everytime I step on the court there is that chemistry and connection.
Lacrosse has always been an on and off sport for me. I played my first year in 7th grade and loved it! But I decided to give it up for 3-4 years because of timing. My freshman year I decided not to play. My sophomore year I tried to play but quickly tore my ACL directly after trying out. My junior year (current year) has been shifty. I practiced hard, had the support from my friends an coaches and made the varsity squad. Having a somewhat foreign feeling of not completely understanding the game I was up for the challenge with complete enthusiasm. However after the first 4 weeks I became quickly overwhelmed. I wouldn't get home until 930 3 out of 5 days in the week. I barely had/have time to eat. I sleep a maximum of 6 hours. and i survive. but i am not healthy.
In the last few days I have decided to stop playing lacrosse. or at least have very minimal commitment. This was shattering to me. I felt cowardly, irresponsible, guilty..all of the above. There was no good feeling about it, especially because I had the internal incling that Lacrosse could be my sport. I had potential. and I LOVE IT!
Balance is key to health. and for a very long time I decided to ignore balance, health, even happiness and submit to chaos.
I convinced myself that I did all that I was doing because I loved every minute of it! which is still true! but i dont love seeing my grades drop. I dont love seeing the bags under my eyes increase in size and darkness. I dont love seeing the weight loss which was inevitable because i just didnt have the time to eat.
my situation is an extreme. and i even create somewhat of a contradiction to what you are saying. Yes spontaneity creates a sort of freedom, while simultaneously causing chaos...in my case.
I thought I'd share...maybe it helped me blow off some steam. Maybe I didnt make a point. either way I think it was worth saying. If anyone is to read this, just know that balance, happiness and DOWN TIME is key. I'm only 16 and I have already learned that lesson.
1. take time to re-evaluate
2. make sure there is time to just rest and reflect
3. of what you do...enjoy it.
4. eat. period.
btw i didnt get a chance to re-read what i just wrote so i apologize for awkward phrases, spelling mistakes, or things that just dont make sense. My mind moves a lot faster than my fingers on multiple occasions.
thanks.